Introducing the Emergency Internet Failure Backup Kit!

Patent Pending #1337

Ever find yourself unable to connect to the Internet, on hold for hours and hours trying to figure out what is wrong with your connection. Only to have a cable customer service representative to tell all you need to do is reset your modem. Well worry no more! Introducing the Emergency Internet Failure Backup Kit!

Situations you might find yourself needing the Internet Backup:

• The guy who turns the internet on slept in
• The IT department is in a Golf Tournament again
• Can’t reach the LAN Cable

Included with the Emergency Internet Failure Backup Kit:

• Backup DVD featuring D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology allows for uninterrupted internet surfing when normal connectivity has failed.
• Zip Ties used to tie down loose cables, or a poor mans version of Chinese Finger Handcuffs
• Duck-tape To fasten the IT guy to a chair to ensure the Internet won’t fail again.
• S.M.H. (Smallest Manliest Hammer) – lets face it, a hammer has to look manly no matter what the size. *Remember - it is not the size that matters, but how it is used.

How it works:

The Emergency Internet Failure Backup Kit works because it uses D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology.

Dynamic Radical Aerial Structured Truncated Internet Compressor uses WI FI technology to spider the Internet daily for updates, changes and new content to ensure that your Emergency Internet Failure Backup Kit is always up to date. D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology uses nano-burners to write and erase lossy compressed Internet data without the use of conventional computers or burners while causing no degradation to the content.

Due to the power consumption needs of the WI FI connection and running the nano burners, D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology has a battery life of 1 month. To order replacement disks with fully charged batteries go to order online at www.myretirementproject.com.

Follow these simple steps in the event of Internet Connectivity Failure:

1. Don’t panic
2. Release S.M.H. from the magnetic holder
3. Hold S.M.H. firmly
4. Aim S.M.H. in the middle of the glass
5. Use wrist pivot action to swing S.M.H. to break glass
6. Avoid glass shards to access the Emergency Internet Failure Backup DVD featuring D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology
7. Insert Emergency Internet Failure Backup DVD featuring D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology into your computers DVD Drive
8. Wait for Emergency Internet Failure Backup DVD featuring D.R.A.S.T.I.C. Technology to load.
9. Surf the Internet as you usually would
10. Hang up phone from Help Desk on hold cue

Download the PDF

Back to Reality…

The fictitious Emergency Internet Backup Kit I submitted to Radio Sonic 102.9 Edmonton. This is a great little contest where the radio station awards $1000 cash (all of which will go towards my retirement goal of $1 million), a 27 Inch LCD TV and a DVD Recorder. The station then goes to your home and broadcasts on a Friday evening. This contest is based on creative entries and hopefully my entry is creative enough that they choose to come to my place.

The idea was inspired while joking around with my co-worker Rachelle about backing up the Internet on a CD.

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